Bundles
by beepchoc
Summary: She struggles with a lot these days. She's nauseas and emotional. Everything smells too bad. She doesn't want to be her anymore. She's pregnant and living from camp fire to camp fire.
1. Before

I've had this idea floating around in my head for the past few weeks or so which sounds crazy considering I don't like Lori all that much in the show. I know if I don't write it I won't be able to get rid of it though.

This story will not be following what we know to happen from the short clues we've been given. Their will be no prison, no governor, no Merle or no Michonne. Sorry to disappoint anyone but those few things don't fit into my head.

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><p>She dreamt about her son falling and cracking his head open or getting hit by a car. She dreamt about her husband losing his job, getting stabbed by the criminals he fought to detain. She dreamt of her house burning to the ground with all her possessions still inside. She dreamt of car crashes, war, poverty.<p>

She never dreamt that the world would fall to an army of the undead.

And she had never thought she could get pregnant during all this madness.

She had always thought stressful situations put a hold on menstruation. In her case this same statement didn't hold true. They'd become erratic but she didn't think it would be possible to conceive. But conceive she did and now she carrying around a baby that might possibly not belong to the man she loved.

She'd done the test in the woods. She vomited up the pills she was in two minds about taking. She'd made the camp aware that she was expecting and she felt terrible for putting an extra burden on them.

It meant extra food, slower movement, more security. It was a situation she didn't want to put on the group. It wasn't fair that they should put themselves in danger just to protect this thing inside of her.

She tried to muster up excitement whenever Carl or Rick were around. She exclaimed how happy she was and how it was going to be great and she hopes it's a girl but inside her mind is overthinking.

How is she going to be able to run as she gets bigger?

What if she gets seriously ill and can't find any treatment?

How is she going to be able to keep a new born infant quiet?

How will she survive?

In those few fleeting seconds when the car she was driving tumbled around she accepted she was going to die and perhaps it would be for the best for everyone. She just knew everyone thought of her as a liability. Of course when she finally managed to pull herself from the wreck and get over her anger at Shane's words she felt relief that she hadn't left her family to deal without her.

Sometimes she hated her own selfish mind, putting herself before everyone else. Several times a day she had to stop herself and think about the fact that she had it so much better than the majority of the camp. She hadn't had her beliefs shattered and she hadn't had to shoot her sibling in the head. Her only child hadn't disappeared and she could point to her family if anyone ever asked where they were. She was luckier than the majority of the population. But she couldn't rid herself of the selfish thoughts.

She wished she wasn't pregnant. She wished this hadn't happened in her lifetime. She wished she hadn't slept with another man. She wished for a lot of things but knew nothing could change them now.

And then it happened. The day the rest of the world found them. They came in large numbers and she was scared. She couldn't find her son or her husband. Everyone was in a state of panic. Too many bullets were being shed and people were being separated. She escaped to the car after witnessing the first casualty and they drove. She comforted all the way, talking about little whimsical things. Promising a better future, promising that they'd get back to the people who they'd come to know so well.

And then miraculously they were all there in the same space. All breathing. All alive. She hugged her family and then they were back on the road. Things were said. Her emotions got the better of her and anger flared up in her blood. She struggled to think positively of the life inside of her, convinced it wouldn't come out the way it should.

She'd dreamt of a lot of things in the early hours of the morning when she couldn't sleep. She dreamt of situations which left her gasping for breath and clutching at the sleeping body of Rick.

But she'd never dreamt of something like this.


	2. Fluids

She was really bloody tired, morning noon and night. She missed her bed. Hell, she missed any bed she'd ever slept in including that little fold out one with half the springs missing that she'd had to sleep on during summer camp.

There really wasn't much comfort to be had curled up in the small confines of the passenger seat. She did prefer it to sleeping on cold, hard mud though.

It had been two months of surviving on the road. Their days were spent pushing cars aside, syphoning off gas, scouring maps and scavenging from cars left lying where their inhabitants left them. Sometimes they made camp for the night, lit a fire and cooked some tins of food. The majority of their nights were spent taking it in shifts to drive their cars. Daryl would drag his motorbike into the trucks bed and camp down next to it, looking for signs of danger. Those driving would take to the road at ten miles per hour, scanning the immediate area for any signs of life or death. The sleeping would toss and turn, trying to get comfy in their seats. They would shake out limbs as best as they could, trying to get rid of a cramp that never went away.

She was really struggling now. She was at five months and because of the lack of nutritious and ready food she wasn't putting on much weight. Her jeans had got to the point where she couldn't button them up so she'd fashioned a belt out of a piece or rope and was hoping she'd come across a pair of pants big enough left over. She was borrowing any spare shirt she could find. Her unborn child pressed on her bladder a lot and because there wasn't a lot of water to go around she was suffering from a rather lovely bladder infection. She knew this could turn bad but there was not a lot she could do about it. She knew the others were getting annoyed at her constant request to pull over and she'd stopped trying to find a place to hide. She just knelt down besides the car and let go. She was still suffering from sickness. The stench of the decaying bodies was heightened by her hormones and the car permanently smelt of vomit. She'd had an easier ride with Carl. The morning sickness stopped after 13 weeks and even then she didn't have it bad. She' had all the crackers and soda water she could bear back then. This time she was throwing up out of the car window and even into a bag if they were in a bad place.

She was tired and she hoped they'd find somewhere soon. Somewhere with a bath, even if the water only came out cold and somewhere that stocked water crackers.

A few days later they stopped. Daryl had gone on ahead to a small house hidden inside a copse of trees. They had no clue as to where they were. They all grew out of learning the town's name. It never mattered because they never stayed. The group Ok'd the idea of staying in the abandoned house for a few days with the reasoning that it was quiet far away from any major roads or town and by the fact that it had a small river flowing right next to it. They unpacked their measly supplies and set out to make the few rooms they had as safe and comfortable as possible.

Lori couldn't hide her excitement at finding a place. She couldn't wait to fall asleep on the small pull out bed they'd found and silently agreed was hers and Carl's to share. She couldn't wait to heat up and cook some proper food. She couldn't wait to wash in the river out back and get all the grime she could feel covering her body. And she couldn't wait until she could relieve her bladder into a toilet any time she wanted. Her bladder had caused her a lot of anxiety and embarrassment in the last month. She wanted to wash away the stench of urine from her body and not have to worry about whether stopping for a break could put her in danger. She didn't have to voluntarily pee herself anymore. She could hide the shame in a small dark room now. Granted, the memory of the first time her bladder acted without her warning would always stick in her mind.

The first time it happened, the first time she pissed herself, her cheeks flashed red. She had looked down as the dark stain spread down her pants and she had quite literally just wanted to plunge herself off the bridge. She knew she couldn't do anything about it. Her bladder was too small and she couldn't keep stopping the group every hour to hide in the tree lines and empty her bladder with those things walking about. So she'd held on and held on, hoping they would find somewhere safe for an hour. Of course nowhere safe came up and she felt that unmistakable dampness spread down her legs. She'd only ever done this once. When she was eight months pregnant with Carl she'd been cleaning when she felt his small sharp foot connect with her bladder. It was instant but she got over the incident and laughed about it with Rick after having a long bath and putting the clothes in the washer. This time she just had to soldier on even though she could feel tears form in her eyes. She knew the group knew, she could see their eyes looking. None of them said a word though. They didn't suggest stopping or finding a spare pair of clothes. Glenn had wordlessly passed her his jacket so she could tie it round her waist and hide the worst of what had happened.

Almost as soon as she thought of this memory she realized she'd been holding it back for a while. She dashed inside and almost cried with joy as she sat on a toilet for the first time in five weeks.

The group decided to stay for one week and one week only. Just enough time for them to recover from the constant moving. One week for them to get back some energy and get over their cabin fever. There was laughter and conversation during their first sit down meal in a while and Lori almost felt as if maybe they'd never left the farm. If she allowed herself she could almost smell the warm and embracing lounge area that Hershel had cared for. She could hear faint laughter and the pitter patter of horses outside. She wanted it to be true.

The week was spent sleeping and eating, laughing and joking. They all swam in the river, despite the coldness of the almost winter weather. They washed and splashed each other. They collected as much as they could with all the empty bottles Rick told them to keep. They ripped the house to shreds. Collecting everything that could be used as a weapon or for survival. They slept on comfortable couches and small, thin mattresses. They used pillows and duvets for the first time in a while. They cleaned all the clothes they had and repaired what they could. They found an almost full gas canister in the attic, which brought on an excitement. They talked a lot about their plans for the future. Where they should go and what they should do. They didn't talk of the dead.

A week came and went and Lori wept as she watched the house grow smaller and smaller in her vision. She had been so comfortable and at ease in the small house that gave them shelter and hope. In that house she had been able to pretend that the apocalypse had never happened. She had been able to pretend that they were all just on a camping holiday. But all good dreams come to an end and suddenly they were all thrust back into the real world. The world where they would be hungry and stink of shit and be tired constantly. Tired morning, noon and night.

She just wept.

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><p>This took me so long to write. Too long. I just couldn't put my ideas down whatsoever. Also, I kept writing Andrea instead of Lori. And then I completely forgot her name. This is why the show should hurry up and come back on.<p>

Also, thank you to the two reviews I got. Seeing those today spurred me on to post this. You're great.


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